Saturday, August 22, 2009

Door to Heaven - 1941



This bizarre, low-budget film was produced to propagate "the gospel of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ," at least the one according to the members of this religious sect based in Wheaton, Illinois.

Setting itself up as an instruction manual on how to get your soul through those pearly gates, the film really stretches the door metaphor thin.

Some quick tips for those who want to get to Heaven –

- Door to heaven is identifiable by a stencil that reads “Door to Heaven” above it
- The door will permit toddler sinners only if accompanied by a parent or guardian
- Like an am/pm market or 7-11, it’s open all night; we recommend the sweat dogs
- Like a museum, admission is free after 5pm on the third Tuesday of each month
- There is no alarm system so it’s possible to slip through the window at night
- Sometimes those jokers inside will lock you out and turn on the fire sprinkler system
- No large boxes admitted; baggage must be stowed away in overhead compartments
- Anyone conveying poorly-conceived symbolic props will be barred from entry
- Suspected socialists or communists behind the door since you cannot bring in money
- No other material possessions will be admitted except double-breasted business suits
- Certain times of the year there may be a line to get in; please be patient with the bouncer
- Selling magazine subscriptions or six-packs of Kool Aid can get you on the guest list
- You may also just “Come” – yeah, that gets you through that door to heaven
- Door may be locked indefinitely at an undetermined future date

It also appears that the Door to Heaven, at least in this case, would not fit anyone taller than 6’2” or heavier than 320lbs.

Sorry big and tall types- No Heaven for you!


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